beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
