some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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