Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got chris browned last night
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
