dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
