i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
