Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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