Pants 0. Shit 1.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
