Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
