i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
