Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
