It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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