I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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