My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
