when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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