I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
