Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
