its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
