Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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