After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
