Me. At least after what I've been through.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
