fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
