We're facebook friends in real life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
