So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
