At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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