i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
