a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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