i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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