Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
