Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
