Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
