guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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