The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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