He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
