Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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