just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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