So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
