i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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