someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
