I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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