You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
