My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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