I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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