oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
