We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
