I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
