dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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