I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
