Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
