Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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