she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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