fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
